HEY! I’m back again for another review and this time it’s WRESTLING! Seriously, who doesn’t like wrasslin’? Don’t lie; you know you’ve watched it at some point in your life. Yeah, we know it’s fake and all but… It's still real to me, damn it!
I know it’s Wednesday and all so technically I should’ve had this up on Monday when it was airing, but I was doing stuff that day so it had to wait.
Anyways… onto the review!
Live from Manchester, England, as Michael Cole tells us (it’s taped actually). We’re joined by him and Josh Mathews commentating at ringside.
Things kick off with John Cena already in the ring, standing on a Nexus podium, reading off a scroll about how Wade Barrett has made the winds of change, lead a revolutionary group, and will become the new WWE champion at Survivor Series. Cena did all this while wearing his purple and yellow shirt and hat. See the thing here is, I don’t get why Cena doesn’t have to fully deck out in Nexus gear. I mean, he IS in Nexus, right? He only has to wear the armband? He doesn’t even come out to the Nexus’ theme when he’s alone, only when he’s with the group!
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| OOOOOOPS! |
Moving along… Barrett tells Cena that it’s his duty to make sure he comes out of Survivor Series the new champion… or else Cena is fired! OH SNAP, GIRLFRIEND! Of course, if Barrett does win, Cena will be free from the Nexus. That’s the stipulation. Cena tells that when it’s all said and done, he’s going to give him and anybody else that wants to interfere the beating of a lifetime. IN SERIOUS VOICE!
Barrett steps on all that and reminds us that he has Cena’s destiny in his hands. So he wants Cena to proceed and practice that Wade Barrett is the new WWE champion, even though it hasn’t happened yet.
Cue Randy Orton. Orton comes out and says last time he checked, he was still WWE champion. He’s going to make sure Barrett never gets the belt. Barrett interrupts and says he doesn’t have any backing like he does. And then… beep, beep, beep! We’ve got an email!
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| It must be IMPORTANT |
The anonymous RAW general manager decides that tonight, there is going to be a 10-man tag team match, making it Team Orton vs. Team Barrett and John Cena is going to be the special guest referee. The segment ends with Cena pushing down the Nexus podium and shoving fellow Nexus member David Otunga flat on his bum.
Coming up next is going to be a Divas Cup tag match. OH GOOD LORD. Nobody in America gives a damn about soccer, so why are we going to care about this match? Ok, I lied. But only because Maryse is in the match.
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| Would you resist? |
* Eve and The Bella Twins vs. Maryse, Tamina, and Alicia Fox
You know, I’d actually give a damn if there were wrestling involved. But guess what? THERE ISN’T. I feel this way about every time these women have a match. It saddens me. It’s just too quick and sloppy. That’s what she said.
Winners: Eve and The Bella Twins.
- Backstage segment with Nexus. David Otunga says John Cena tried to punk them. Wade Barrett chimes in and says Otunga isn’t going to be on Team Barrett tonight. Instead, he’s going to face Cena.
* The Harty Dynasty w/ Natalya vs. The Uso’s
David Hart Smith and Jimmy Uso start things up. Quick scoop slam from Smith. Smith knocks both Uso’s out the ring. Tag goes to Tyson Kidd, who with the Uso’s both outside, lands a sick somersault-turned-hurricanrana onto one of the Uso’s. Back in the ring, Kidd misses a springboard elbow drop with an ambush in the corner of the Uso’s. David Hart Smith is on the outside for some reason talking with Natalya instead of trying to reach in for a tag. But, Kidd is able to get the tag and in comes Smith. Smith comes up with a nice belly-to-belly slam, follow by a running power slam which gets a two. Action spills from outside the ring. Smith gets distracted enough to get knocked by a kick by one of the Uso’s and then a splash off the top rope.
Winners: The Uso’s
** There’s still tension in the air between The Hart Dynasty. Another tease in the progress of a breakup.
- Backstage interview with Randy Orton. Orton says his assembled team by the general manager better be the best-assembled team EVER. SUCH SERIOUS TONE! The Miz comes along and says he’s a member of Team Orton and that alone makes his team AWESOME. HOORAH!
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| Remember me? |
- Another backstage segment with Nexus. David Otunga is probably the least popular guy in the Nexus’ lockerroom. Hell, he’s probably the least favorite guy in the WWE. That’s probably accurate. He babbles about beating Cena later tonight and showing what a real leader is like. Yeah, right.
* Goldust vs. Ted DiBiase w/ Maryse
Tie up in the corner by Goldust and then him showing DiBiase all the fundamentals of wrestling. The man can still go, folks.
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| When I have nightmares, it’s because I see him |
DiBiase hits a shoulder block and gets a two. DiBiase applies a chin lock as Goldust tries to fight out of it, but gets hit with a back breaker. Goldust fights back with some vintage moves, as Cole loves to overuse. Irish whip into the corner that gets reversed by DiBiase, sending Goldust into the turnbuckle. But, Goldust is able to get a quick slam on DiBiase for a two.
Aksana starts running down the ramp in total Baywatch style and gets into a tangle with Maryse. Maryse, holding the million-dollar belt, gets it snatched away by Aksana and she sends her with a parting slap to the face. The distraction gets DiBiase and Goldust goes for a quick schoolboy and gets the victory.
Winner: Goldust
* John Cena vs. David Otunga
Otunga tries to take the high road but Cena follows him and slams his mug onto the car they have on the stage. Back into the ring, Cena hits a quick clothesline. Then, Cena hits a dropkick as Michael Cole splooges his pants in amazement. Cena gets Otunga into the corner and tries to run through him, only to meet the steel post.
Out of nowhere, the crowd starts getting super anti/pro Cena with chants. Then comes the usual routine with Cena. Two shoulder blocks, one back slam, and then the Five Knuckle Shuffle. I HATE THAT MOVE. He doesn’t even connect sometimes! Then, Cena hits the Attitude Adjusment on Otunga and slaps on the STF. Otunga taps out because he has just been humbled.
Winner: John Cena
- Backstage, Otunga is sitting and has an ice pack on his neck. Wade Barrett comes by and tells him what an embarrassment he has been the past couple of weeks. He tells Otunga he’s going to give him a chance to redeem himself. He’s going to take Nexus to Smackdown! and he’s going to have a match with Edge. If Otunga loses, then he’s out of Nexus. WHY NOT OUT THE WWE?!
Next, we get an in ring segment with Santino Marella, accompanied by Vladimir Kozlov, and Sheamus for some teatime. SERIOUSLY? I’m just going to leave it at that because I already wasted time by including this segment. But, the anonymous general manager chimes in again via email that there will be a match with these two so…
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| A jar of mayonnaise |
* Santino Marella vs. Sheamus
Santino is really scared of Sheamus. Like, really, really, scared. Sheamus chases Marella outside and Marella jumps over the barricade. Then, ANOTHER email from the anonymous general manager. He must really hate what’s going on with all these emails. He is now one with us. FINALLY! The GM tells Marella to get in the ring and compete or he will be suspended.
Marella antes himself up and gets back into the ring. He tries to COBRA UP but Sheamus smashes his face with a right hand. Sheamus begins stomping away. Marella crawls around the ring and tries to buy time by convincing Sheamus not to fight him anymore. Then, Marella hits a blatant low blow that’ll bring any man to his knees. Disqualification by Santino Marella.
Winner: Sheamus
Still in the ring, Marella begins parading around like he won. Sheamus actually gets back up and hits the Brogue Kick. He then starts kneeing Marella in the back of the neck repeatedly as the referee calls for the bell. Sheamus picks up Marella and tries to give him the High Cross but out comes John Morrison to make the save. He beats Sheamus up and lays him down.
- Backstage, John Cena and Wade Barrett talk about Wrestlemania. Barrett tells Cena to imagine not being there to experience it anymore. He tells Cena to just do what’s right and it’ll be all over with.
* Randy Orton, R-Truth, Daniel Bryan, Mark Henry, and The Miz w/ Alex Riley vs. The Nexus (Wade Barrett, Justin Gabriel, Heath Slater, Husky Harris, and Michael McGillicutty). John Cena is the special guest referee
Daniel Bryan and Justin Gabriel start it up. The action gets quick as Gabriel tags in McGillicutty. He soon runs into an arm drag from Daniel Bryan. Blind tag from The Miz and McGillicutty takes a clothesline to the back of the neck. Some mud stomps on the corner by The Miz and he hits his corner flying clothesline.
The Miz reaches to Randy Orton for a tag. In comes Orton and he starts hacking away. Jumping knee onto McGillicutty’s chest. Orton throws McGillicutty into the Nexus’ corner and wants Wade Barrett. Instead Heath Slater makes the tag. Orton tags in R-Truth and he gets to work on Slater. Couple of R-Truth’s signature moves on Slater and goes for the cover, but only gets a two. Justin Gabriel comes in and breaks the pin and in comes everybody.
All members of Nexus get knocked out of the ring as Team Orton watches on. Out comes David Otunga. He watches from ringside. We’re back in action in the ring with R-Truth and Justin Gabriel. Good back and forth offense, mainly from Gabriel until he tags in Husky Harris. Harris and Truth do work until Truth tags in Mark Henry. Harris tries throwing punches on Henry but it doesn’t even do a thing. Great selling, huh?
Henry gets a scoop slam on Harris. He tries to give him a running splash but misses. Harris tags in McGillicutty. Harris irish whips McGillicutty into Henry but Henry moves away. Then, Henry tags in Daniel Bryan. Bryan starts throwing sweet kicks onto McGillicutty in the corner. Bryan gives McGillicutty a german suplex and then a dropkick and goes for the pin, but only gets a two. Irish whip and then a blind tag from Husky Harris and that gets him back in. Harris with some power moves. Harris then tags in Wade Barrett.
They start putting in work as the crowd starts chanting for Daniel Bryan. Barrett drags Bryan into the Nexus’ corner and tags in Justin Gabriel. Gabriel soon tags in Husky Harris and they both start double-teaming on Bryan until John Cena breaks it up. Harris tags in Heath Slater and he starts pounding on Bryan. Irish whip into the corner and Slater tries a Stinger’s Splash but Bryan moves away. Slater hits The Miz off the apron as Bryan tried to reach for a tag.
Bryan makes the hot tag to Randy Orton and Slater makes the tag to Wade Barrett. Orton starts cleaning house with his usual stuff. Orton hits his hangman’s DDT on Barrett and he starts to coil up for the RKO. Barrett gets back up and fights off Orton. He tries to go for the Wasteland but Orton counters. Run ins from everyone as they each hit some signature moves. The action get splattered everywhere until it’s just Orton and Barrett in the ring.
Orton tries to go for the RKO again until David Otunga decides to stick his nose in the action. John Cena tells Otunga to get away. Out of nowhere, The Miz hits the Skull Crashing Finale on Orton for whatever reason and Barrett goes for the pin and gets the win for his team.
Winners: The Nexus
** The Nexus hit the ramp and hoist Wade Barrett on their shoulders in some sort indication that this is how it’ll turn out in two weeks at Survivor Series.
Final Thoughts: This week’s episode is rather lacking in terms of building up for Survivor Series in two weeks. Yeah, the main event is sure picking up but what about the undercard? There never seems to be a proper build with the other matches and it shows on their buy rates. The matches were solid but that’s about it. Hopefully next week we get to see some further development on the other matches for the RAW side.
4.5/10
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