AHHHHHH, I’m falling behind in my blogging. I am so sorry. On a good week, I can usually dish out at least three blogs. On a subpar week, the best you’ll get is two. If I only post one a week, it means I’m either lazy or had a lot of things on my plate. But, for now, I have something to post! I haven’t posted this in this month so…
So…
…so
…so….
BAM!
This week is another special three-hour edition and it so happens to be one of my favorite gimmicky shows: Slammy Awards!
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| Even scripted wrestling gets its own awards |
I won’t be going all out to review EVERY single thing that happened; I’m only going to write about the award categories, winners, and if I agree with said winners. ANYWAYS…
LIVE! from New Orleans, Louisiana (home of the not-talked-about reigning champions New Orleans Saints), we’re joined at ringside with three past Slammy award winners, Jerry “The King” Lawler, C.M. Punk, and Michael “And I Quote” Cole.
We’re underway with our first award of the Slammy’s and presenting it is… DAVID ARQUETTE? A former WCW World Heavyweight Champion in his own (and forgettable) right, he comes out sounding drunk and heelish rambling about his past championship reign and mentions READY TO RUMBLE. I’ve seen that and all its hilarity, by the way. He presents to us our first category:
SHOCKER OF THE YEAR
- The Miz cashes in Money in the Bank to become WWE Champion
- The Nexus debuts
- Paul Bearer turns on The Undertaker
- Randy Orton punts Chris Jericho
WINNER: The Nexus debuts
· No question about the winner of the first award. The Nexus deserves this award because anyone who watches wrestling on a regular basis like myself DID NOT see this coming. The formation of the NXT Season One rookies gave something we haven’t seen in awhile, a legit formation of a GROUP. Something reminiscent of a group called the nWo. Remember that one? Bask in all its glory if you want to see how this group came about.
Presenting our next award is Kelly Kelly and Tyson Kidd with his big ol’ bodyguard, Jackson Andrews. BUDDHA CHRIST ALMIGHTY, this is one big mamajama.
Categories are:
Despicable Me Award
- Drew McIntyre humiliates Theodore Long
- Kane buries The Undertaker alive
- Mr. McMahon makes a truce with Bret Hart, then kicks him in the groin
- C.M. Punk sings “Happy Birthday” to Rey Mysterio’s daughter
WINNER: C.M. Punk sings “Happy Birthday” to Rey Mysterio’s daughter
· As big of a C.M. Punk fan that I am, I wanted Mr. McMahon to win it. If you know the history behind the Montreal “screwjob,” you would agree with me that Bret Hart coming back to the WWE and looking to bury the hatchet was a big deal. Not only did Mr. McMahon fake his apology to Bret, he wanted it to be known that “Bret screwed Bret.” That’s what you call despicable. But, I’m fine with C.M. Punk winning this award. Would you want someone singing “Happy Birthday” to you like this?
Up next, we have the WWE Tag Team Champions, Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov, presenting the next award. The nominees are for:
Guest Star Shining Moment of the Year
- Mike Tyson punches out Chris Jericho
- Pee-Wee Herman vs. The Miz
- Wayne Brady gets RKO’d by Randy Orton
- William Shatner sings WWE entrance themes
WINNER: Pee-Wee Herman vs. The Miz
· Not much to say about this because I thought the whole “Guest Host” thing was dumb. Pee-Wee Herman creeps the HELL out of me. So, all I have to say is… DUD.
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| Creeping at a house near you |
Moving along, we have Jerry “The King” Lawler and Vicki Guerrero presenting the next award. They poke fun at each other but with Lawler getting the best out of it with the fat jokes on Guerrero. The award goes for:
Holy $#!+ Move of the Year
- John Morrison dives off the set onto Daniel Bryan and The Miz
- Kofi Kingston hits Drew McIntyre with a legdrop off a ladder
- John Cena’s Attitude Adjustment on Batista through the stage
- Randy Orton RKOs a flying Evan Bourne.
WINNER: John Cena’s Attitude Adjustment on Batista through the stage
· THEY GOT THIS ONE WRONG! WRONG, WRONG, WRONG! WRONG! Randy Orton’s RKO on a flying Evan Bourne should’ve won this. WITHOUT A DOUBT. I’ll let you be the judge here. Which one is cooler and more impressive? John Cena’s or Randy Orton’s. That’s what I thought!
And now we have David Arquette AGAIN presenting another award. This time, instead of a formal suit, Arquette comes out dressing like ELVIS? Anyways, the nominees are:
WWE Universe Fan Reaction of the Year
- Weird kid reacting to John Cena joining The Nexus
- Loser crying when Shawn Michaels’ career ended at Wrestlemania 26
- Dumbstruck moron for something?
- Angry demon girl reacting to The Miz beating Randy Orton and becoming WWE Champion
WINNER: “Angry Miz Girl” Cayley
· Hahahahaha, I agree with this one. Why? Just take a look below.
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| Scarier than the Exorcist and Ring girl combined |
Now, for our next presentation, we have Edge and his buddy Christian. Great seeing these two together again. Now if only I had the benefit of flash photography and some five second poses.
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| Totally reek of awesomeness |
“Oh Snap” Meltdown of the Year
- Big Show destroys Jack Swagger’s trophies
- Alberto Del Rio injures Rey Mysterio’s arm with a steel chair
- Edge destroys the anonymous GM’s computer
- Batista quits WWE
WINNER: Edge destroys the anonymous GM’s computer
· It’s arguable between these two choices: Edge and Batista. Edge argues with a computer; Batista quits the WWE but in a temper-tantrum way. I would’ve gone with Batista but that’s just me.
Up next we have JTG and William Regal to present the next award:
Knucklehead Moment of the Year
- Big Show unmasks a bald C.M. Punk
- Lay-Cool gets beat by Mae Young
- Beth Phoenix eliminates The Great Khali from the Royal Rumble
- Santino Marella gets out-danced by Vladimir Kozlov
WINNER: Lay-Cool gets beat by Mae Young
· No argument here. The best part about this wasn’t the fact that Lay-Cool got beat by an old woman, but the fact that Mae Young swore on a PG show. AWESOME. Check it out here.
Meanwhile, right after Lay-Cool received their award, we get a match that will determine who the Diva of the Year is. Yeah, the females actually have to COMPETE to determine that. Weird, huh? So…
Diva of the Year Award
- Kelly Kelly, Eve, Maryse, Nikki Bella, Brie Bella, Rosa Mendes, Melina, Alicia Fox, Kaitlyn, Tamina, Gail Kim, Beth Phoenix, Natalya, Layla, Michelle McCool
WINNER: Michelle McCool
· Can’t really argue with this one. Lay-Cool has been the only consistent divas in the year. It doesn’t hurt the fact that Michelle McCool is also the wife of The Undertaker, so that bumped her chances even higher.
Getting tired yet? Imagine if I also included the matches and backstage segments. This is already long as it is. That’s what she said. Up next, we have Big Show presenting the award for:
WWE Moment of the Year
- John Cena counts the pinfall that gets him fired from WWE
- Sheamus attacks Triple H with a lead pipe
- Edge Spears Chris Jericho through the barricade at WrestleMania
- The Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels at WrestleMania XXVI
WINNER: The Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels at WrestleMania XXVI
· NO QUESTION ABOUT IT. If you have not seen this match, you should go and do yourself the favor to. Classic match with great storytelling and psychology that every wrestler should die to learn. It was a bout between the Undertaker’s WrestleMania streak against Shawn Michaels’ legendary career. This was deserving.
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| Be inspired |
Presenting next is Michael “And I Quote” Cole. The award goes for:
“And I Quote…” Line of the Year
- Way too many to name
WINNER: Michael Cole
· Can’t even argue with this one either. Michael Cole turned three words “AND I QUOTE” into one of the most annoying phrases I have ever heard. This is deserving to be undeserving if that makes any sense.
Now, for the final award. Theodore Long comes out to present the award for:
WWE Superstar of the Year
- Edge
- The Miz
- Kane
- John Cena
- Rey Mysterio
- Randy Orton
WINNER: John Cena
· Not even surprised that John Cena won this award. How they decide this I have no idea. There are no criteria on what they base to be the Superstar of the Year. Is it on matches? Quality of promos? Work rate? Who knows. The WWE choses whoever they please, I guess. John Cena is their poster boy so I guess that makes him a winner.
Final Thoughts: LOOOOOOOOOOOOONG episode of Raw this week. They need to stop doing these three-hour editions unless it is absolutely necessary. This I was ok with because it was the Slammy’s. I also failed to mention that this episode was for the build up of the TLC pay-per-view this Sunday. Overall, the show aimed to present awards to those who felt like they needed it. The WWE are really trying to push their company as “ENTERTAINMENT” instead of just “WRESTLING.” It works in some aspects but it’s hard to claim that, especially with how everything is booked nowadays.
8/10
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